Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Dear Kate,

I decided that it would be a fun tradition to celebrate St. Nicholas Day on December 6th with the kids.  After our usual Advent candle lighting, I told one of the most famous stories of St. Nicholas (kid style):

The was once a very poor man who couldn't pay for the marriages of his 3 daughters.  He was so sad.  Nicholas wanted to help the man and his daughters because he loved Jesus.  So Nicholas went by the house at night and tossed gold coins in the open window.  They landed in the girls' socks that had been hung by the fire to dry. Nicholas was very kind and generous, like Jesus, and that's why we celebrate him today.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I gave them each a chocolate coin to enjoy.

But then the following conversation transpired:

C:  Where is Nicholas now, Mommy?
Me:  Well, that was a long time ago, honey.
C:  So where is he now?
Me:  He got very old, baby. That was almost 2,000 years ago.
C:  So where is he?
Me:  He got old. And then... and then he died.
C:  St. Nicholas is dead?

Why not introduce death to your 3 year old while celebrating the holidays?

Move over Grinch who stole Christmas, the mommy who killed St. Nicholas is here,

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Dear Kate,

As C climbed back into his loft bed tonight, he told me that he had climbed out because he was trying to get the monsters out of his bed because they were making stinky peanut butter.  "And I don't like their stinky peanut butter."

He just said it so matter of factly.

My kids are so weird.  I love it.

Don't know where they get it from,

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Dear Bora,
Yesterday I asked K to do something and she said, "Yes, ma'am."  I did a double take.  We don't say ma'am in our house, but I guess when the South is all she's known (and she's in school now), it was bound to happen sooner or later.  We've just got to move north before she starts saying "ya'll" or asking for collard greens with fat-back.
Your Still-Not-Southern Sister,
Dear Kate,

Remember how when we moved from Illinois to Georgia we discovered that in school a "yes" without a "m'am" after it was rude and a "yeah" was liable to land you in silent lunch?

I think about that every time my 19 month old daughter says, "Yow" instead of yes.  I think it's adorable but I sometimes wonder what future punishment she might be subject to because her mom apparently still has terrible manners and thinks "yow" is totally acceptable.

Yow, yow,

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Dear Kate,

I realize that to many-a-parent thumb-sucking is evil, but you know what?  Thumbs don't get lost.  We have managed to keep only 2 pacifiers in rotation for R, very rarely misplacing one - until this weekend when we managed to misplace BOTH within 48 hours.  Now, I don't need anyone to point out that this "good fortune" is probably because she rarely seems to take the thing out of her mouth.  Honestly, due to the other "many-a-parents" that believe pacifiers are evil, I briefly contemplated letting this be an abrupt and permanent end to the paci but then I remembered the look she has when her paci has dropped behind a couch or is lost in a pile of stuffed animals.  She has these sad eyes that say, "This is the beginning of true and deep sorrow, Mother."  So instead, I swore to God that I would be a better human being if we could just find one of them before bedtime. When I finally found one of them hiding under a couch, the excitement and love in her eyes rivaled that which she shows me.

Hey, if she loves it.  I love it too.

Here's to found pacies,

Monday, September 12, 2016

Dear Kate,

I've heard it said that recurrent nightmares in which your teeth fall out means that you feel out of control. What do you think it means if I'm having nightmares where C's teeth fall out?


Thursday, September 8, 2016

Dear Kate,

C loves to tell stories. Here is the one he told me today:

Me: *sticking my tongue out*
C: *copies me* I have a big tongue. I have teeth too.
Me: yeah, but one fell out.
C: yeah but it will grow back
Me: yep. Do you remember when it fell out?
C: yeah, I fell down.
Me: what happened to the tooth that fell out?
C: a crocodile ate it. Then I ran after him and bit him. Then he cried.
Me: oh my goodness.
C: yeah, then the ambulance came and got the crocodile. It drived and drived
Me: where did it go?
C: to the doctor. But then the crocodile bit her... Then she bit the crocodile and he cried and swam away in the water
Me: man, lots of people get bit in this story
C: then the crocodile went home and told his parents.
Me: oh?
C: yeah, the crocodile told his father. Then the father bit him.
Me: wow
C: then a Big. Red. T-Rex came and bit him too!

Then he finished going potty which was incredibly frustrating given the plot twist cliff hanger ending.

Love you,

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Dear Bora,
Clearly your kids have inherited our impeccable comedic timing. Deliver the (totally ridiculous) line deadpan and walk away. That's our style, right?  Like how I told everyone that I wore 2 watches because one was set to New York time or how you told everyone that the stock photo of an Asian kid in your wallet was your son.  We just like to say crazy things to get a reaction.  I'm pretty sure it's on our family crest. 
 Something else K has inherited from me is her inability to understand song lyrics. Not that it stops her from singing them (incorrectly) ad nauseum. Take her latest favorite song, "All About That Bass.". She only sings one line and it goes like this:
I'm all about that bass, bout that bass no shovel. 
Or maybe it's not something she inherited from me at all. Could it be her father's love of Weird Al and that she's actually attempting to make up a parody?  That's a way better story, so I think that's what I'm going to tell people from now on. With a straight face. And then walk away. 
Dear Kate,

I was so proud of myself for posting here so regularly over the last 6 months or so.  That may not seem like much of an accomplishment to a blogger of your status ("Micro-blogging since 2008!") but for me as an habitual "restarter" ("Sixteen different blogs started and stopped since 2008!) it was a big deal.

I wish work didn't get in the way of my otherwise hilarious life.  My kids are pretty awesome, I'm just sayin'.  Even the preschool/ daycare thinks my kids are the best.  The teacher told me just the other day that she loves talking to C because you just never know what he's going to say.  Apparently one of the first conversations she had with him went something like this:

Teacher: C, what happened to your tooth? (he's missing a front tooth from a bathtub accident, remember?)
C: It's gone.
Teacher: I see that.  How did that happen?
C: One day it just flew away...

I wish he'd said that when the pediatrician asked but instead he went with the equally made-up, "My mommy threw me."

See? Hilarious life,
(well, only because CPS wasn't called...)

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Dear Kate,

I recently discovered that C knows all the planets in our solar system - except Pluto, presumably because it wasn't in the app from which he learned. I casually mentioned Pluto today when he was pretending to be jumping from planet to planet and he burst out laughing. "Pluto's not a planet, Mom! Pluto is a dog in Mickey Mouse world!"