I think the top of my list would be that someone:
1. brushes my teeth regularly (nothing worse than morning breath all day long) and
2. makes sure that I am never, under any circumstances, sticky.
I totally agree with the diaper thing, but I think I can live with whiskers and maybe even toe fungus- especially since I like to wear socks and won't have to see my feet often.
PS- we're totally going to be in the same "retirement community" right? I have a feeling we'll be even more hilarious when we're senile and incontinent.