Monday, December 27, 2010

Dear Kate,

I was glad to get to spend a few hours with you too, though I would have liked more.  I got up at 4:15 AM so we could get to NC faster just in case you had to leave.  We still only got 3 hours.  Unless you count the extra hour of digging/pushing and then carrying our belongings up to the house.

As I recall, while you did dig out/push my car, you were unsuccessful in getting me out of the snow.  We arrived at the front of the neighborhood at 11 and didn't make it to the front door of Mom and Dad's until 12:15 sans car.

Besides, you can't complain about my grand entrance because of your grand exit.  Were you just jealous of the attention when I got stuck in the snow?  It was really no reason to slide off the road on the way down the mountain.

Plus, I successfully got you out of the snow - including your car.

Love,
Bora.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Dear Bora,

We're finally together and I sneak away to write you a letter/blog post. I'm so glad we get to spend the day together- even if you did make me dig/push your car out of the snow. Why do you always have to make such an entrance?

Love,
Kate

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Dear Kate,

You're using up all our parents love?!  

Eh, I can do without it.  

Delicious Christmas cookies and tasty festive goodies, on the other hand, had better have plentiful left overs when I get there.


Love,
Bora.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Dear Bora,

Sorry I'm slacking with the posting. I'm too busy soaking up all the love from Mom and Dad- I don't know if there will be any left-over for you when you get here on Sunday. Merry Christmas!

Love,
Kate

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Dear Kate,

Remember the year that Mom and Dad asked us if we wanted a Christmas tree and the 3 older kids said 'no' and then we didn't get one?  How badly do you think we traumatized our youngest brother because of that?  I mean, do you think he'll grow up and need 3 ghosts of Christmas past or something?

Love,
Bora.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Dear Kate,

I find it weird that I remember more of that Christmas musical extravaganza than you do since I'm 2 years younger.  I'll refresh your memory with a few of the songs when I see you in a week.  Youtube viral video? I hope not.

Today I saw a billboard for a party supply store.  It tried to fit in pictures of all these different things for all the holidays during this time of year - a turkey, Santa Claus, a New Year's baby, and a menorah.  But there wasn't that much room on the billboard, so they were all squished together and the New Year's baby ended up looking like like it had menorah-shaped antlers.  I know they were trying to be inclusive and stuff, but I think they might have missed the mark by creating a mutant baby.


Love,
Bora.
Dear Bora,

Today at church we were singing "We Three Kings" and I had the most incredible urge sing the last note completely out of tune. Do you remember why? Psalty's Christmas Special! I don't remember anything else about that Christmas program except that, a) I didn't get a solo I wanted and b) we sang that one note all out of tune. Maybe Mom has it recorded or someone else has a better memory of it so I can understand why I am likely to one day embarrass myself singing this Christmas carol.

Love,
Kate

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Dear Kate,

How hard is it to raise kids?  I ask because if I even mention taking care of my 2 dogs in front of people with children they start freaking out and going on and on about how much harder it is taking care of children.  I mean, I wasn't even comparing the two!

But now that they mention it... I'm not so sure they're right.  Maybe if they'd been there last night when I was trying to get the dogs ready for our 2 week vacation they wouldn't feel so strongly.

You see, I felt that both Lyla and Ender needed to be furminated and have their nails clipped before we left.  And it was as I sat clutching Lyla tightly around the middle, battered and bruised from her kangaroo-like kicks, sitting in a small pool of dog pee, covered in tufts of fur sticking to my clothes, and encircled by a trail of blood and peanut butter, that I decided that dogs might actually be harder than children.

I mean, if anyone has a story like that with their children...


Love,
Bora.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Dear Bora,

I heard a phrase yesterday that I am in love with: The cheese has slid off the cracker. As in, "Let's just say her cheese has slid off her cracker, if you know what I mean." I feel like you and I could get a lot of mileage out of this as it pretty accurately describes our almost constant mental state.

Love,
Kate

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dear Bora,

It's not so much the comedic talent they lack (though we both know they cannot compare to our comic genius) but the commitment. Hilarious dual-authored blogs take hard work. We only make this look easy.

Love,
Kate
Dear Kate,

Chris says he's offended that you said he and Nate were only funny occasionally.  He says he and Nate could make a blog that's FUNNIER and has MORE readers, in LESS time.  I challenged him to do it if he thinks it's possible.  You and I both know it's not though.  We are the funny ones in these relationships.  I mean, it runs in our family.  Duh.

Love,
Bora.
Dear Kate,

Either our readership would decrease or our comments section would increase.  People like to whine about themselves when they hear other whining people.  I mean, how do you think the "my life is so much worse than yours" arguments get going?

"I have 3 tests, 2 papers, and a project to be working on."

"Oh yeah?  Well I have 3 exams, 3 research projects, 4 MASSIVE homework assignments, and I haven't slept in 2 days."

"Well... I haven't slept in 3 days and my grandma died recently too."

"Yeah, but I don't have time to do any of these things because I'm in choir, and I go running, I have to work, and... and... and I found out I was adopted off the black market!"

I mean, is that really an argument you want to win?

Trying to quit winning the whining contest,
Bora.

Dear Bora,

Do you think our readership would decrease dramatically if you and I just wrote whiny notes to each other about how frustrated and tired we are? Somehow I don't think that would be fun for anyone involved. Too bad... I have a lot to say on the subject.

Love,
Kate

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Dear Kate,

It's hard to be funny and whiny at the same time.  I'll try again tomorrow.

Love,
Bora.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Dear Kate,

I was really bummed when I woke up this morning and I wasn't sick.

I know that sounds weird, but you see, last night I had a dream that I had terrible laryngitis.  Now normally, that would be bad, but in my dream I went to work and was unable to dictate because of the sad state of my voice.  So when I woke up with my voice intact, I was quite dismayed.

Can you tell how much I hate dicatating?

Love,
Bora.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Dear Bora,

How scary! And of course I'm referring both to the creep at your door as well as the thought of you carrying around mace. Do you really think someone with your accident-prone track record should be toting pepper spray? You are totally going to mace yourself in the eyes. You are only one accident away from having "bless her heart" be a constant sidenote whenever you are refered to by southern ladies. (example: ...and then Laura, bless her heart, maced herself in the eyes!) Please be careful.

Your ever concerned sister,
Katie
Dear Kate,

I am no longer staying in the apartment in Chattanooga.  Did I tell you how sketch it was before?  Well, it was.  But I kept telling myself it wasn't bad.  I kept telling myself that it was fine.

But then my roommate left me there alone for the weekend.

Someone knocked on the door on Saturday night.  Repeatedly.  Someone knew I was there.  I put on my shoes in case I needed to kick someone and run, then with a can of Mace in one hand and my cell phone in the other, I went to the door.  "Who is it?" I asked.  There was a small but significant pause, then a man said, "Pizza."  It wasn't very convincing.  Now I don't know what compelled me to say this - maybe it was the effect of the Mace - but I answered, "Yeah right!"  There was no response from the knocker and I didn't hear him leave.


At this point, I called Chris and pretended to be talking to the police.  Then Chris made me call the real police.  I also called my roommate and she gave me a friend's number so I could have somewhere else to stay the night.

A half hour later someone started pounding on the door.  I was terrified and just sat clutching my can of Mace. 911 had told me to call back if the person started knocking again, so I did.  As it turns out, the police felt the best way to comfort someone stricken with fear from an unknown knocker was to pound on the door unannounced.  Needless to say, I almost hugged my roommate's friends when they came to rescue me.

I'm still carrying the Mace, but I leave it in my pocket.  I've been so jumpy since it happened that I might accidentally spray some poor person in the face if they came up to me to say "Happy Holidays!"  Honestly, I'm just afraid someone might mistake me for an extremist reacting against political correctness.

Love,
Bora. 

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Dear Kate,

Sorry, I was just kidding about the bag boy.  You're no cougar.  Besides, you seem to really like that nerdy guy you're married to.  

I'm glad you married him too because otherwise who would my nerdy husband hang out with?

Love, 
Bora.
Dear Bora,

Absolutely no crush on this OR ANY teenager- bag boy or not (I feel as a public school system employee, I need to make that abundantly clear, hence the correct usage of caps and bold). Also, no crush on Patrick either. Our friendship was during my "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" phase- a phase that only lasted the 9 months between breaking up with my high school boyfriend and meeting my college boyfriend (now husband).

Love,
Kate
Dear Kate,

I always find it strange when I see someone that reminds me of someone else.  On my first rotation, I saw someone that looked like Auntie Ann but had this crazy loud personality instead.  It was so weird.  And it's even weirder when you find someone's doppelganger but they're of a different race.  While I was on rotation in California, I saw the Hispanic doppelgangers of our brother Brian, our cousin Erin, and of one of our old youth pastors.  So weird!


One of my patients on this rotation looked so familiar and I just couldn't place it.  Then finally, it hit me!  He looks like the kid who plays August Rush - except as an 80-year-old man!!

Doppelgangers freak me out a little bit, but that's not as weird as when you suddenly realize that 2 of your friends on Facebook, from very different parts of your life, know each other - but not through you!  I always have to resist the urge to post on both of their walls, "How do you know ___?! The universe is collapsing!!!"

Love,
Bora.

PS  Do you have a cougar crush on this bagger boy?  And if you do, does that mean you liked Patrick?  Because you always told me you were just friends.
Dear Bora,

Every Saturday I go to the grocery store at 8:30 AM and there's always this bag boy there who looks just like Patrick (who went to our high school & church), exactly as he looked when I last saw him and he was 17. Anyway, he always smiles at me (probably because I have the slightly deranged look of someone who always does her grocery shopping at 8:30 AM on a Saturday) and it's all I can do not to say, "Hey Patrick! Want to go listen to some Dashboard Confessional?" It's like I'm instantly transported back to my senior year of high school just because of one familiar face. So far, I've been able to resist the urge to speak to this teenaged bag boy, but I'm sure he already thinks I have some sort of cougar-crush on him. I should probably start shopping somewhere else.

Love,
Kate

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dear Kate,

I'm sorry you had to relive the horror, but for me, that's like reliving the glory days!  The best part about that story is that despite my disregard for cleaning it, my ear never got infected at all.  While you had to "learn your lesson," I was enjoying all of the coolness and "street cred" that having a cartilage piercing in 7th grade brought me.

Actually, the best part was that everyone thought our mom was the coolest ever.  Girls at school would say, "How did you convince your mom to let you do that?  My mom won't let me."  And I'd say, "Are you kidding?!  My mom talked me into it!"

And you know what?  She did!  I mentioned ONCE that I thought it was cool and we were off to the mall!  I chickened out, though.  But by that night she'd convinced you to get it done with me!  


I know it seems like a terrible memory, but think about it this way: We both learned valuable lessons.  You learned that taking a risk is still a risk, even if you're cautious about it.  And I learned that I am invincible.


Love,
Sister of Steel
Dear Bora,

Remember that time you wanted to get the top of your ear pierced, but you were scared to go alone so I went to get it done with you? Remember how I kept mine meticulously clean and you didn't? And do you remember how after a few weeks my upper ear had swollen so much that you could no longer see the earring and all the kids at school called me "Tomato Ear" and I had to go to the doctor and have it lanced and drained and then have the earring pulled out with pliers all the while getting a lecture about the dangers of piercings?
I relived every painful moment of the experience today as I listened to 2 middle school girls talk about getting their ears pierced and thought that since we went through it together the first time, you should have to remember it with me.
Love,
Tomato Ear

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dear Kate,

Did she use quotation marks around "publication"?  Because that would be even funnier.  :)

Love,
Bora.
Dear Bora,

I totally know what you mean and I'd like to add the misuse of ellipses... too. One of the local free "newspapers" (and I use quotes there correctly) uses ellipses and quotes like they're going out of style. I once emailed the lady who runs it and asked if, considering our county's illiteracy rate, she might like someone to proof read her "newspaper." I even offered to do it for free (since I already do it for fun. Honestly, if you already have a red pen in your bag, how could you resist?). She wrote me back the nastiest email. Apparently she doesn't think there's anything wrong with her grammar and she took my offer as an insult to her "publication." I guess since the people who create these signs, newspapers, etc won't listen to reason, we grammarians should take up our red pens and go forth into the world, correcting bad grammar wherever we see it. Certainly someone, someday will take notice of our noble work and the world will be changed for the better.

Love,
Kate

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


Dear Kate,

Have you ever noticed how often people misuse italics, bold, underlining, or quotation marks in signs?

Like a sign in the hospital that said:
This floor is under video surveillance.

What exactly does that mean?  Is it literally under?  Why is this word emphasized??

Or how about the sign on a drinking fountain that says:
Out of Order.  Needs to be "fixed."

What?  To me that implies a spay or neuter.  Which is really weird on a drinking fountain, PS.

Have you ever noticed this before?  If you haven't, I can guarantee you will now.

Love,
Bora.
Dear Bora,

I have a solution to our internet fame dilemma. Three little words: viral internet video. Seriously, all we'll have to do is constantly record ourselves for the 24 hours we're together after Christmas and we are guaranteed to have at least 3 minutes in there that will be pure YouTube gold. I know this blog has a sisters theme, but our brothers and parents (and occasionally husbands) are pretty funny, too. I think that the 8 of us plus your two big dogs in one 3 bedroom house are sure to produce some worthy hilarious moments. Get your camera ready... Christmas is coming!

Love,
Kate

Monday, December 6, 2010

Dear Kate,

"How was yours?" ?!  You obviously weren't listening as I just described my horrendous weekend.  It's okay, though, I forgive you because I'm just wonderful like that.

I realized that my posting follows a trend.  The busier I am, the more likely I am to post - mostly because I am avoiding whatever it is that is supposed to be done.  However, there is a certain "point of maximal busyness" (red dot) at which my probability of posting drops to practically nothing.
Let's just say I had a red dot weekend.

Love,
Bora.
Dear Bora,

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I just didn't feel like I had anything creative or hilarious enough for the high standards we've set on this blog. I didn't want to cause a loss of readership. But then, when you didn't post all weekend either... I could feel blogger stardom slipping from between my fingers. It's a horrible feeling much akin to that feeling you get when you're in bed sleeping and you move your foot and don't find anything solid beneath it and you jolt awake because you feel like you're falling. So yeah, that was my weekend. How was yours?

Love,
Kate

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Dear Kate,

I'm pretty sure PA school is bad for my health.  

I got 3 hours of sleep in 72 hours this weekend while I wrote a paper and ate nothing but saltine crackers and Starbucks coffee.  I worked on the paper for 24 hours straight.  Seriously.  Then I ate pizza because I was too tired to make food.  After some sleep on Sunday, I drove back to Chattanooga, eating a healthy dinner of cheese doodles and re-heated, 2-day-old Starbucks coffee.

How long before all of this catches up with me, you think?

Love,
Bora.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Dear Kate,

As you know, I'm not much of a star-struck person.  I mean, I don't really care what celebrities do in their private lives and I have no urge to ever meet almost any of them.  I never had a crush on a celebrity as a kid - though I faked a crush on one of the Hanson brothers to fit in with my friends.  I don't keep up with who's married, dating, or using drugs.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't even notice most "famous" people if I saw them.  I'm not that good with names and faces.  I might very well have ruined some poor celebrity's prank by walking right past them without a second glance as they checked me out at the grocery store surrounded by hidden cameras.

But Tina Fey.  Tina Fey is different.  She and Neil Patrick Harris.  They both make me laugh until I feel I might be incontinent (pee myself, for those of you less medical folks).  And I can't help but fear meeting them.  I mean, if I meet just any old celebrity, who cares?  But I would want those two to be my friends.  And what if I met them and they didn't like me?

I couldn't handle it.  So, Tina, Neil, if you're out there reading, stay away unless you want an awesomely funny friend.  I don't need a broken heart.

Love, 
Bora.
Dear Bora,

I'm really looking forward to watching 30 Rock tonight and I think you probably are too. Tina Fey might be the only woman on the planet funnier than we are. She would totally be our BFF if we ever met her.

Love,
Kate
Dear Kate,

The problem with the medical sites isn't really that they're wrong, it's just that... well, some might call this paternalistic, but I think it's just professionalistic - I think I should tell you what you need to know, what's relevant.  Otherwise, you just scare people.  Now, if they need to be scared, or if I'm concerned, I should speak up, but otherwise, I think that should be considered "doing harm."

You see, those websites include EVERY possible cause of "headache."  And they don't take into account anything other than what you typed in - "headache."  So when a patient comes to me and says, "I know I have a sub-araknid hemmage because I have had a pretty bad throbbing headache for a week," it can be really hard to convince him that he does not in fact have a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage despite the fact that I went to school and learned about the signs and symptoms and they don't match at all.

Information misinterpreted and misused.  Now that's dangerous.


Love,
Bora.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dear Bora,

As a book-lover and librarian, I love books in all forms. I love to listen to audiobooks and I'm an advocate of ANYTHING that gets kids reading. I don't always love books made into movies (because they never seem to do it justice) but I can't tell you how many times the kids will watch the movie and then decide to read the book. I guess the librarian's "WebMD" would be something like Yahoo Answers or Ask.com. A librarian deals in information and sites like that peddle quick, often inaccurate information. Unfortunately, there are a lot of ignorant people in the world who are just dying to share their "understanding" of everything from the "What was the Kansas-Nebraska Act?" to "Could this rash be an STD?" It's our jobs as professionals to set them straight. Aren't you glad?

Love,
Kate
Dear Kate,

As a librarian and obvious lover-of-books, how do you feel about: 
  • books being made into movies?
  • audio-books?
  • the Kindle?
I mean, do those things bother you the same way that WrongDiagnosis.com and WebMD's "Symptom Checker" bother me?  

Love,
Bora.
Dear Kate,

After this paper for my Master's degree is done, I am never writing another research paper again.  Honestly, the fact that I can say that with even some confidence is all that's keeping me going sometimes.  I cannot wait to be done with school.  I hate school.  I am so ready to get past this crummy part of life

Before you say anything - Please don't kill my only hope by telling me about how bad life can be in the "real" world.  (Where do people think I'm living right now??  I've got bills, lots of work to do, and no income - seems like worse than the "real" world if you ask me)  But seriously, I need this delusion that everything will be magically better in 9 months.  Just like you needed the delusion that your hair was blond for all those years.

Love,
Bora.
Dear Bora,

As soon as I wrote the word "December" and realized that it applied to the present (rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, by the way) and had a sudden craving for Sister Only bars, chocolate covered pretzels, salami, and Wisconsin dill pickles- all the foods we have at our Christmas smorgasbord. I know you won't be at Mom and Dad's Christmas day, so I'll try to save you a Sister Only bar. No promises though...

Love,
Katie