Friday, January 29, 2016
I did not click on the link to the song. I do not want that song in my head, whatever it is. It's like when someone says, "Eww. That stinks! Smell it!" No, thanks. Think I'll pass on that earworm.
In a little over 2 hours I'm going to get my hair cut. I'm getting the pre-pixie jitters. I hate the emotional upheaval of drastically changing my hair.
First, I'll think "wow! I like this!" Then a few hours later I'll think, "yeah, I think this is good," followed a few hours later by, "well, it'll grow back. It's just hair." By tomorrow morning I'll cry about it. In 3-5 days, I'll realize I actually love it (in a completely different way than I loved it on day 1) and move on.
For once I'd just like to skip the crying stage.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
C discovered a new "most annoying show ever." The number one reason I hate this one is this song.
I just started using a new planner that I really like, though I have a bit of an obsession with planners and to-do lists. Anyway, it has a place on each day for your top three important things to do. Ever since C found this show, that song plays in my head every time I fill out my top three for the day, or do one them, or re-read them, or check them off, or think about checking them off, or think about thinking about checking them off...
Your special assignment was a success,
In three special steps!
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
I'm only a few rows away from finishing the blanket I've been crocheting for C... for the last 15 months... Hey, that's a big improvement on the last blanket I made - which took me 5 years to complete.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Ah, Pinterest. It's a wonderful thing, isn't it? "Your life can be like this," it whispers. I'm so glad it didn't exist when I was planning my wedding and that I don't give a darn about planning elaborate birthday parties for my children that involve origami Paw Patrol character invitations, made-from-scratch-gluten-free-allergen-free-no-sugar-added cupcakes with organic fruit, and hand-carved wooden toys stained with teak oil for the individual gift bags.
But really, I like Pinterest. Heck, I'm using it right now to try to decide what kind of pixie haircut I should go for on Friday. Should I go for the Winona Ryder pixie? The Emma Watson pixie? The Anne Hathaway?
I think the Emma Watson pixie is my top choice right now - partly because I'm pretty sure Pinterest told me that if I cut my hair like that, I'll turn into Hermione Granger and get to start Hogwarts next fall.
Can't wait to get my wand,
I just found a quarter-sized hole in the elbow of my cardigan. I took it off and realized there are 3 more dime-sized holes. I thought, "I just bought this... 5 years ago." Now I have the unwelcome task of trying to replace a staple in my wardrobe. I hate clothes shopping, but especially when I'm looking for something specific like a v-neck navy cardigan with 3/4 length sleeves. Add to that that I've recently become convicted about not having my clothes made by Indonesian toddlers and I think I'm going to just start going without clothing. I'll be the first nudist to join purely because she loathes shopping so much.
Confessing a day late,
I noticed today that you've finally begun following me on Pintrest. About time. Clearly I am a trendsetter in every way. You're going to learn so much from following my boards. I've got one for recipes I occasionally try, one for craft projects I rarely try, and one for home improvement that I will never try. It's kind of like one of those self-help vision boards where you put pictures you cut out of magazines on a poster board and then somehow, magically, it's brought into your life. One day I'm going to have a perfectly organized house, a delicious, nutritious dinner on the table every night, and a family who will tell me how much they appreciate both of those things. I know it'll happen. It's what Pintrest's all about, right?
Your Hopeful Sister,
Please post your hilarious lyrics to Adele's "Hello." I've got the song stuck in my head, but since I only know like one line (and you can probably guess which line it is), I'd rather memorize your version.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Well, sort of. It sleeted so much that it piled up like snow would. You can't tell by looking through the window that there's not really 3 inches of snow. From inside, if you saw someone walking toward your house, you'd probably think that Legolas was coming up the path, but really no one sinks in it because it's just a solid sheet of ice.
I mean, I guess my neighbor could still be Legolas but I don't remember him having pointy ears...
Friday, January 22, 2016
Short hair is the way to go! I've had a pixie cut for the better part of 18 years, so I may be biased. The only effort required is going get it cut, which needs to be done with some regularity. An hour every other month is totally worth not having to blow-dry, curl, style, or even really comb on a daily basis. Also, you could think of the haircut as a little "Me Time." Heaven knows you need some of that. Last time we were together, I'm pretty sure you asked the question, "Do I smell like spit-up?" several times, but declined to change your shirt no matter what the answer was. I know it's hard to get away when you have 2 small kids (I can't remember if I asked you recently, but why did you decide to have SO many?), but I think it'll be worth it to you on many levels. Maybe set up a babysitting swap with a friend who also regularly smells like spit-up?
Just a suggestion,
My hair is annoying. It's too long to be short-easy and too short to be long-easy. I mean, it's long enough that I have to brush it but it's still short enough that I can't just put it in a ponytail. I started looking for hairstyles last night because Mom offered to let me go and get it cut while I'm at her house so she can watch the kids. I know my hair must look bad when Mom suggests I go get it cut by a professional even though I've been cutting my own hair for almost a decade. I just don't have time to cut my hair. It takes a lot of uninterrupted time to cut my own hair and it takes time away (+money) to go get it cut. I'm lucky if I get two minutes of uninterrupted time to use the bathroom.
I'm probably going to cut my hair really short again because I hate doing my hair in the morning. I'm hoping the hairstylist understands for once that when I say, "I don't do anything with my hair," that I do not mean, "I only put sponge curlers in overnight once a week and prefer to blow dry in under an hour."
I put my hair in a make-shift ponytail this morning out of frustration. It took no fewer than 11 bobby pins to secure + the last bit of hairspray I could find in my house (probably from my wedding 8 years ago). Upon seeing my hair, C immediately said, "I want you to put your hair back" motioning across my forehead.
Boy is he going to be upset,
Thursday, January 21, 2016
I couldn't tell if there was actual sarcasm in R's slow clap at the end of her bedtime songs or if that was merely my perception after realizing that my 11-month old was still awake after 20 renditions of "You Are My Sunshine," 10 random hymns, and 15 Girl Scout songs.
I went to pick C up yesterday and accidentally gave us both a pretty decent shock. With a sad look of betrayal in his eyes he said, "Mommy, you hurt me." How do you explain static electricity to a toddler? I tried to explain that it was static and that it wasn't on purpose, but he gave me a skeptical look like the one I probably give people when they start talking about how essential oils have magical healing properties that all doctors know about but are covering up so they can make tons of money.
You're picturing my face, aren't you?
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
I recently discovered that R loves guacamole. C's slight interest in the delicious green dip has also recently turned to genuine enjoyment. I can't decide if I am delighted by this development. On the one hand, we may eat guacamole more often since I won't be the only one eating it. On the other hand, I won't be the only one eating it.
My daughter's sudden preference for walking over crawling is great. What's less great is her equal exchange of walking out instead of crawling out of her table-attached high chair. Why is she such a daredevil?
Mom's voice quietly echoing in the distance, "One day, I hope you have a child just like you..."
Did you hear that?
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
It's Zombie Tip Tuesday!! My favorite day of the week!
Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse with Toddlers Tip #4
The great thing about having a toddler is that you already have a decked out Zombie Apocalypse Bug-Out Bag! No, really, you do! This bag may still be part diaper bag or it may have evolved from your diaper bag if your child is potty training/ potty trained, but either way, if you have a toddler, it is sure to be well stocked.
In this bag, I'm sure that you already have:
extra clothes for your toddler - You'll need these when your toddler strips down and the old clothes are mysteriously nowhere to be found.
extra shirt for yourself - I can't guarantee you have this, actually, but if you have a puker like I do... Very useful if you don't want to be the
several diapers and/or pull-ups - these can be used for your kid, obviously, or if they were left-over from before your child potty-trained, you can use them as large bandages for non-zombie inflicted wounds (obviously, zombie inflicted wounds do not require treatment because, you know, you become a zombie)
first-aid kit and hand sanitizer - These will be useless during a zombie apocalypse. Germs are the least of your worries and we all know those character band-aids don't stick worth shit. Also, only helicopter moms have this in there, so if you have these... just sayin'
blanket(s) - This is probably an "alternative lovey" so your kid will clearly not want anything to do with it. Use it to keep warm or in place of your shirt if you don't have a puker.
several toys with batteries - ditch the annoying noisy toys as they will only draw zombies but keep the batteries as they will be currency in the post-zombie apocalypse world should anyone survive.
minimum of 2 board books - guard these with your life as they may be the only written word that survives the apocalypse. Yes, our new society may start with only "Red Hat, Green Hat" by Sandra Boynton and "Llama Llama Time for Bed" by Anna Dewdney. It's going to be an interesting place.
enough snacks for approximately 3 weeks of rations for 4 adults or 2 "hungry" days of rations for your toddler who normally eats almost nothing - this is a toss up. It could be very helpful if you don't hit any "hungry" days. If you do hit a hungry day with your toddler, though, no amount of food can save you. Find an abandoned grocery store or you are going to die.
Now go check your Bug-Out Bag,
Monday, January 18, 2016
R took her first steps at 9.5 months but she just made the decision at 11 months that walking > crawling. Honestly, I get her hesitation, though. She is a speed demon when crawling on all fours, and let's just say she's shaky at best when walking upright.
I know that kids learn to walk all on their own, but every time I see her toddling around, knocking into things, occasionally falling over - I wonder if I should do some sort of training with her. I mean, she does have my genes, after all. We both know that I either lack the depth perception or the patience to properly turn corners. I perpetually have bruises on my hips from running into the corners of tables! I just don't want my daughter to suffer as I have!
Sunday, January 17, 2016
Well, it's Confession Sunday again and it's time for me to fess up.
I sneak-eat. And not very well. My son frequently catches me and says, "Mommy, what's in your mouth?" or if I'm closer to his face and he can smell it, "Do you have chocolate?" Every time I get caught sneaking chocolate chips, cookies, fruit snacks, or some other treat, I think, "Dang it all! When am I going to get better at this?" I thought sneak-eating was like an automatic mom trait. You know, like it came with the second set of eyes or something - which, by the way, never did show up for me. I mean, my body has changed a lot after two kids, but extra eyeballs were not one of the many things I gained.
I'm not Catholic, so I'm not exactly sure what penance even really means, but what do you think the penance for sneak-eating from your toddler is?
Hail Mary, full of grace, sneaky are thou amongst toddlers,
I don't think I've ever recommended procreation for any medical condition, but I have suggested that someone may want to adopt a dog. Pretty much the same thing, though, right?
Puppies, people. Same diff. I mean, I have 2 dogs and 2 babies and I can barely tell them apart.
For reals, but not for reals,
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Am I the only mom who talks to her kids when at the store? I rarely hear other mothers talking to their children at the grocery store, but C and I chat it up. Yesterday, we talked the whole way through the store, and then he started telling me a story about a blue dragon that was waiting for us outside. As we discussed this blue dragon (was he friendly? could we see him? where did he come from?), four different people in the parking lot were visibly chuckling at us - not in an offensive way, just in a that-kid-is-freaking-hilarious way (and he really is).
But heck, before he could even talk, I was talking to him when we would go out. "What else did we need at the grocery store, C? I feel like we're forgetting something... oh yes! That's right! We do need some yogurt. Thanks for reminding me; I almost forgot." Really, it wasn't that different from the time I had mono and couldn't talk because my throat was almost swollen completely shut. Remember? We were on a cruise (which would have been way more fun if I could have eaten). But you just kept talking to me and pretending that I was answering you. The look on people's faces when you would argue with an apparently mute girl...
Those were the days,
Friday, January 15, 2016
I was woken up this morning by a feverish boy scream-crying, "I need my trucks! I need them!" Honestly, he was basically delirious. I got him his trucks and then gave him some Tylenol. I then pleaded with him to let me take a shower before the baby woke up but he noticed one of R's socks on his floor and just kept crying, "I don't want the baby sock!"
It's a good thing I remember how crappy it feels to have a fever because then I see just how pitiful he is. It's even better to have him running around in a good mood talking about making me a cake when the fever comes down.
Another sick day,
Thursday, January 14, 2016
C loves to be outside more than anything and we've been cooped up because everyone in our family has been sick, so I thought it would be a good idea to go on a walk yesterday afternoon. The high was 43 degrees, but I thought if we bundled up we'd be okay.
I thought wrong. 43 degrees is cold!
C insisted on riding his balance bike, which meant he was wearing a helmet instead of a hat and he couldn't wear mittens because he can't grip with them on. We got about 10 minutes down the road and he started shrieking that his hands were cold (apparently he hadn't noticed it until they were painful-cold). He refused to get in the stroller with R because bike. So he tried to ride his bike without holding the handle bars and promptly fell off. I finally convinced him to get in the stroller so we could get home faster. I rubbed his icy hands and showed him how to tuck them into his sleeves so they wouldn't be cold in the wind. As I'm jogging home in jeans pushing my heavy double stroller, I hear him crying, "They're sneaking out, Mom!" The funny part, though, is that I sped up. I mean, I didn't want them to get away!
Living in my child's reality,
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Everyone always makes a big deal about "two in diapers" but you know what? Diapers are easy. Nine months ago, we decided to try potty training C. He had just turned 2 years old. When I told people, they dropped the "two in diapers" line and started pitying me for "potty training with a newborn." We tried for a little while but at some point, I realized that he just wasn't totally aware of the need to go and decided to stop all together and restart later. Well, we just restarted yesterday and I've decided that "potty training with a mobile baby" is definitively the hardest of these three. I can't keep the bathroom open because R just loves to dip her fingers in the toilet bowl water. So I brought in the little potty chair - but R believes this to be the best toy she's ever seen and refuses to play with anything else in our house. Too bad it's probably too early to potty train her too... 11 months is too early, right?
"When the child shows interest..."
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
It's Zombie Apocalypse with a Toddler Tip Tuesday!!
If, while pretending to be zombies amidst the shambler zombie hoard, you are discovered to be alive, pick up your toddler immediately and without warning. This is not to protect him directly but rather to ensure that a wild tantrum ensues. If a tantrum is not immediate, adding the shout "No, you can't have ice cream for breakfast!" is sure to get one going. (Note: If you normally prefer to discuss feelings with your toddler in order to teach emotional intelligence, you may have to set aside your routine practices to avoid being devoured by zombies).
Now, this may seem counter-intuitive to purposefully start a tantrum, as we all know that leaving anywhere with a tantrumming toddler is virtually impossible. Yes, your movement will be severely hindered, however, a flailing, shrieking child is beyond unapproachable and will be invulnerable to a zombie attack. In fact, by instigating a tantrum, you have essentially turned your toddler into a zombie shield as long as you are able to hold him or her and as long as the tantrum lasts. Move slowly away from the zombie hoard to safety. Should the tantrum begin to wane, do anything and it will likely continue.
We're gonna survive,
Monday, January 11, 2016
I had the most elaborate dream last night. I dreamed that I met Tina Fey! It was a little weird because she was at our family reunion. It was a lot weird because it turned out she was actually our Auntie Ann. She gave me the most awkward T-rex arms hug and quickly passed me up to talk to some old dude I didn't recognize. I didn't even get a chance to ask her if she liked our blog! Of course, I made a bee-line to mom and started yelling before I'd even reached her. I mean, Tina Fey is actually our Auntie Ann?? How could she never tell me??
I know it's not real, but I still feel a little mad,
P.S. I find it a little absurd that our wholesome and sweet Auntie Ann is secretly an incredibly vulgar (but hilarious) comedian...
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Saturday, January 9, 2016
You are as bad of an influence now as you were when we were in high school! - yes, I'm still traumatized by memories of No Pants Thursday, driving past the school principal in the student parking lot with your deviant friends!
Now is not the time for me to get all stick-it-to-the-Man. I'll be
I'm going to wear crazy colorful socks! I mean, sure, they'll be completely covered by my plain closed-toe flats and my plain black dress pants. Sure, they won't even show when I walk. But I'll know they are there! I'll know it and the rebel inside will yell "FREEDOM!"
Well, at least whisper it,
Friday, January 8, 2016
It's Confession Sunday, right? Unlike you, I actually know what day of the week it is, but I still have a confession to make. I'm at work but I'm not wearing a bra. It's "spirit day" which means we get to wear jeans, tennis shoes, and a school t-shirt or sweatshirt. My logic is that with these barely B cups, I don't really need a bra; it's not socially acceptable to go without. So if I'm wearing a big sweatshirt or bulky sweater and no one can tell, why on earth would I strap on an "over the shoulder boulder (or in my case pebble) holder"? So today I'm proudly (but quietly) sticking it to the man and letting my tatas loose (within the confines of my oversized sweatshirt).
Love Your Hippie Bra-Burning Sister,
Well, I sent my first resume out. That may not seem like a big deal, but it really is.
First, I had to overcome the fact that I love being home with my kids. It will be really hard to go back to work even part-time because I truly and actually like being with them. (Though if you ask me when they are both actively tantrumming, I may cry a little when I say it).
Second, I had to overcome my anxiety. And without zoloft!
I had to overcome my anxiety about revising my resume.
- I know it's supposed to make me look good, but those fancy words just make me feel like I'm lying. I don't want to lie! But wait, if I don't include the things I can do, that's lying too! Why is there no such thing as a humble resume?? What if my references all secretly hate me? What if that one reference tells that story about how I cried uncontrollably during one of my finals??
I had to overcome my anxiety about sending it out.
- What if they never contact me? I don't think I can take that kind of rejection! What if they do contact me? I'll have to talk to someone on the phone! I might have to interview - and meet people! I'll have to wear dress clothes and be uncomfortable while I sip way too much water and spend the whole time trying not to think about how much I have to pee!!
I had to overcome my anxiety of being offered a job.
- I'll have to talk to someone about money! I'll lose sleep worrying about negotiating only to accept whatever they offer with a "sounds great"! I'll have to talk to someone about what hours and days will work for me. What if I can't find someone to watch the kids so I have to secretly take them to work with me and lock them in an unused exam room, only occasionally sticking my head in to replenish their snacks and give them more tongue depressors and latex gloves to play with??
I even had to overcome my anxiety about the anxiety I will have when I start a new job.
-New supervising physician, nurses, and EMR, oh my! What if my new SP is super controlling and only lets me transcribe his visits with patients? What if she's super lax and tries to make me perform open heart surgery all by myself in the primary care clinic? What if I piss off the nurses on my first day?? What if the computer system asks "Are you sure?" every time I click anything????
But I did it. I overcame all that and more - there are still some anxieties I am just not willing to share with the internet.
Is this post too long? (feeling a little anxious about it)
Thursday, January 7, 2016
As I spoon fed my daughter some yogurt this morning, I was reminded why I chose to skip baby foods entirely: this is messy! Don't get me wrong - letting her feed herself from day one has also been messy but it's messy that doesn't involve me until the very end when I hose her off. Whole steamed veggies, black beans, and cheerios tossed overboard are much easier to let the dogs clean up than smeared rice cereal and splattered purees. Besides, who wants to eat all their foods in puree form?
Want to know something funny? I didn't even realize that yesterday's Zombie Tip Tuesday post was on a Wednesday until today. I definitely believed my first Zombie Tip was on a Monday and that I needed to do a second one to start the series on a Tuesday. I was so confused when I went to post this morning...
I finally realized what made me think it was Tuesday yesterday! I was forced by a toddler falling asleep on the way to the grocery store on Monday to change grocery day to Tuesday. So Tuesday was Monday and Wednesday was Tuesday! Except it wasn't!
This just goes to show you why routine is so important! No, not routine for kids - routine for moms. (C and R couldn't care less which day we go to the grocery store). But without routine, the days get all mixed up and you might post Zombie Tip Tuesday on the wrong day! Or you might not take that very important pill that's labeled with the days of the week... (which incidentally could cause another reason your days get mixed up in 9 months).
Your sister every day of the week,
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
My post yesterday got me thinking - a lot of successful blogs have daily themes. I feel like I've already got Confession Sunday rolling, but I think a Zombie Apocalypse With Children Tip Tuesday could be a popular series. It's a bit long for a title, I admit, but the alliteration helps, I hear.
So without further ado:
Zombie Apocalypse With Children Tip #2
Being caught in a zombie apocalypse with slow-moving children can be a huge disadvantage, but in the case of a close encounter with shambler-type zombies, use your toddling babe's natural stumbling gait to your advantage. Disguise yourselves as zombies and copy your child's toddling as you move slowly away from the zombie hoard. Please note that despite your children's random extreme fear of actually harmless things in normal life (mascots, diaper changes, old people at church, etc), they are unlikely to be even slightly fazed by horrific brain-eating zombies. In fact, giggles and squeals of delight are much more likely to give you away (check back next week with tips on what to do if the zombie hoard becomes aware of your alive-ness).
Always leave them wanting more,
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Is it weird that I take pride in the fact that neither of my children has any concept of what foods are "supposed to be" served warm or what foods are "normal" for breakfast?
C and R are both happily eating cold black beans, cold broccoli, and cold plain macaroni for breakfast this morning. It makes meal prep so much easier! At home and on the go! And think how easy we'll have it should we find ourselves without power? Or in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?
Okay, so kids in a zombie apocalypse would in no way be easy, but if we aren't zombies, I won't have to put our family in danger by building a fire to heat up mac n' cheese. And if we are zombies, well, I won't have to be that zombie mom with kids who refuse to eat body-temp brains.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Everyone at my house is either sick, exhausted, or both. I have never understood how something as wonderful as vacation (and it was wonderful) can still require time to recover and recuperate.
We tried to go to church this morning but I was called out of the service because C was lying underneath a table in his classroom rolling around and moaning quietly whilst sucking his thumb. Despite that, he miraculously did not fall asleep in the car on the way home. Hurray.
So it's been a movie day. And not just one movie either. We have spent the entire day watching movies and playing on the ipad. The kids needed this. I needed this. I don't even feel guilty.
Okay, I feel a little guilty but that's what Confession Sunday is for, right?
Saturday, January 2, 2016
I forgot to tell you "Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" yesterday. I know we've always done it as a "gotcha" game in our family rather than out of superstition regarding luck but I can't help but feel like whoever started this absurd tradition might consider missing it on New Year's Day to be an ominous sign for 2016...
Well, if it is bad luck to have missed it, congratulations on your pregnancy!