Monday, February 29, 2016

Dear Kate,

My daughter just loves those squeezable snack pouches.  It's so much more fun to dump food on yourself with a squeezable pouch than the old fashioned way, you know?

Love,
Bora

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Dear Kate,

I'm not a strict shower-every-dayer (and no, I don't think this warrants a confession Sunday).  I mean, I generally shower every day because it helps me feel awake, clean, ready for the day, and it makes it less noticeable that I do absolutely nothing with my hair, but I just don't think it's absolutely necessary for everyone to take a shower every single day, you know?

My criteria for a shower skip day before kids were:

  1. Did you wake up late enough that it is impossible to shower today?  If yes, skip all questions and skip a shower.  Wear a hat and extra deodorant as necessary.  If no, proceed to next question.
  2. Do you smell bad?  If no, proceed to next question.
  3. Did you take a shower yesterday?  If yes, proceed to next question.
  4. Does your hair look no more than 50% worse than yesterday?  If yes, feel free to skip a shower!

My criteria for a shower skip day after kids are:
  1. Are your children freaking out this morning?  If yes, skip a shower. Push off leaving the house until tomorrow. Drink an extra cup of coffee to make up for the wake-me-up effect of a shower.  If no, proceed to next question.
  2. Is it at all possible to take a shower this morning?  If yes, take a shower, you fool!  Tomorrow's shower isn't promised!! If no, see instructions in #1.
Showered today,
Bora

Friday, February 26, 2016

Dear Bora,
Do your kids want to play with you all the time?  K's constant whine is "play with me!"  The problem is, I don't enjoy long bouts of imaginative play as directed by a tyrannical three year old. I just don't have the stamina to be told what to say and then repeat it for 30 minutes. It makes me feel like I'm a terrible mother for not enjoying playing with her. I totally understand those moms who plan dozens of Pintrest-worthy activities for their kids. Even when they fail they are a million times more fun than trying to keep up with the Dictator of Pretend (aka my kid). 
Gotta go. Someone's begging me to play that the living room is full of snow and I'm not doing it right. 
Love, Kate

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Dear Kate,

R slept for 4 hours straight at her morning nap! (It was technically her afternoon nap too since it was 1:30 when she woke up). I was super excited about it but since I didn't get to enjoy sleeping during any part of it, it was honestly somehow even more disappointing than when she doesn't nap at all.  I imagine this is sort of how people feel when someone who bought a ticket at the same 7-eleven wins the lotto.  When a win is so close, it starts to feel like you lost rather than that you just didn't win.

I wasn't just awake, you know?  I was NOT sleeping.
Bora

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Dear Kate,

My daughter is chasing me around the house hollering and screeching holding out a jacket.  She already has on one jacket.  Which I put on her after she chased me around the house hollering and screeching 5 minutes ago.  I finally got her to stop screaming by putting the second jacket's hood on her head the way I used to do as a kid when I was pretending I had long hair like a mermaid.

Some people might interpret R's behavior as diva-like, but given that I'm her mom, I have a sneaking suspicion that she just enjoys wearing a jacket 24-7 and is overwhelmed by the decision between 2 jackets.

It took me 20 years to realize I could make things easier by only owning 1 jacket,
Bora
Dear Kate,

I got R down at 1:30 and C to start his nap at 1:45 today.  I was so excited that my happy dance in the hall almost woke them both up!

Eeek!
Bora

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Dear Kate,

C took a 3+ hour nap today. Problem is that it didn't start until 2:30. Waking from a nap at almost 6 PM doesn't lend itself to a 7:30 bedtime.

Why can't he just nap earlier??
Bora

Monday, February 22, 2016

Dear Bora,
As a librarian, I have a really hard time with loud noises.  That's one of the reasons I don't call you unless someone in my family is sick.
Just kidding!
Kate
Dear Kate,

I had a teacher once who had a decibel meter that he kept on his desk (yeah, he was a nerd).  He used to tell us that we could talk at our desks until it got to a certain level.  I felt like it was always way quieter in the room than that meter said.  He'd be like - "we're at 'vacuum cleaner' status, everyone.  Quiet down!"

I often wonder what that meter would read in my house... death metal concert?  jet engine?  rocket launch?

At our loudest, the meter would probably just curl up in a fetal position like I do.

WHAT D'YOU SAY?
Bora

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Dear Kate,

Confession time. My favorite part about having dogs is not having to clean up food that my kids throw/drop on the floor.

I mean, I have other reasons I love them too. Otherwise a Roomba would've been cheaper...

Confession Sunday,
Bora

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Dear Bora,

You are like my webmd. You're the first place I turn for any medical question or malady.  Only you often tell me everything is totally normal and will be fine instead of telling me I'm dying from some rare disease.  Thanks for answering the phone when I call, even though I mostly only call when my kid has a rash or an especially waxy ear canal.

That's true sister love. Elsa and Anna could learn a thing or two from us. Love is an open door?  No. Love is using your hard earned medical expertise to diagnose your sister's broken arm over the phone. 

Your grateful sister,
Kate

Friday, February 19, 2016

Dear Kate,

My incidentally vegetarian son isn't truly a vegetarian.  Sure, he refuses to eat beef, chicken, and pork in all forms - including Chickfil-A nuggets! (I know! It's ridiculous! But I'm not complaining because I get an extra 4 pack of nuggets every time I try to get him to try them). BUT - he loves liverwurst on a bagel! Yep, he laughs when I try to get him to take a bite of chicken but asks for "liver shwashage" by name. 

What can I say? I love it too. 
Bora


Dear Bora,
Nate took K to the doctor yesterday because she was complaining her ear hurt.  Turns out it was only earwax- and not even enough for them to have to extract it.  I think my kid might be a hypochondriac.  She loves the idea of being sick- and who can blame her!  You get to stay in your pajamas, eat whatever you want, watch tv while getting snuggles and you get delicious tasting medicine.  Heck, I think I feel a bit feverish... I'm pretty sure some Girl Scout cookies and a few episodes of Jane the Virgin will make me feel better.
*cough, cough*
Kate

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Dear Kate,

My daughter's teeth are weird.  C's came in an apparent order but R's seem to just come in wherever.  She has currently skipped a space and is proceeding to get molars.  All at once.  But very slowly.  Like glacier slow.  Two months of nonstop molar-teething.  Yuck.

In other news, we've officially reached full capacity"all by myself" status with C.  So excited that he undoes things that I do for him so that he can redo them 10x slower and with 150% more errors! I guess I have to let him learn to put on his own jacket at some point.  I guess I was just hoping it would be shortly before college when he stops sucking his thumb and starts using the potty.

I wrote this post all by myself!
Bora

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Dear Bora,
Oooo!  Does this give me an open invitation to talk about my own daughter's puking habits?  K didn't spit up much as a baby but began throwing up when she was a toddler.  She has a strong sense of smell and an even stronger gag reflex.  If she takes too big of a bite, she gags and pukes.  If she coughs too hard, she gags and pukes.  When she started potty training, she would poop on the potty, cheer, but then smell it and puke.  She once puked because she smelled dog poop on someone's shoe.  She recently (accidentally) puked in a stranger's purse at a birthday party.  My kid vomits all the time.  I, too, keep hoping this is something she will outgrow soon.  That or she's going to have to learn to clean it up herself since her Daddy also has a strong gag reflex and will vomit if he sees or smells someone else's vomit.  I'm tired of being the designated vomit cleaner.  Thankfully while many things gross K out enough to make her spew, seeing her Mom clean vomit off her shoes is not one of those things.  It's not uncommon to see her continue to eat a cookie while I'm still wiping the chunks out of her hair.
Kids are gross.
Kate
Dear Kate,

You know how sometimes things that are super terrible become amazingly funny with time?  I wonder if I write about them here if they'll become funny faster?  Let's give it a go:

My daughter throws up a lot.  She's always been one to puke easily, but everyone always said it would get better.  I used to go through every burp cloth we have every day (and I have A LOT of burp cloths). But she's a year old now. It should be better. But it's not. The volume of puke has only increased with the size of her body. Twice in the last week she got me so bad I looked like I'd lost a squirt gun battle with a weirdo using milk in a Super Soaker.

Maybe I should start a series called "two showers Tuesdays."

Love,
Bora

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Dear Kate,

After a weekend with our parents, C was a "milkshake" addict.  After a weekend with Chris's parents, he says, "Now I can have candy!" after every bite of food.

Yeah, C and R's grandparents definitely don't spoil them.

Eye roll,
Bora.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Dear Bora,
After 13 Valentine's Days together, Nate and I have this romance thing totally figured out. He went to the theater to see Deadpool with a friend and I watched 3 episodes of Downton Abbey in my pajamas. 
Confession Sunday,
Kate

Dear Kate,

I wish I could take a nap after being awake for only an hour and a half like R does.

Your sleepy sister,
Bora

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Dear Kate,

My daughter doesn't talk yet. No "mama." No "Dada." I thought maybe since she turned one that the speaking thing would kick in, but no. It may be that she just discovered her tongue, but it seems like she's mocking me when "say mama" is answered with a loud raspberry.

Love,
Bora

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Dear Kate,

Today is R's birthday! Or as I prefer to think of it, my Labor Day! Birthdays have never been a big deal to me (though I might freak out when I turn 30 later this year) but my kids birthdays are exciting. Don't get me wrong, birthdays are simple - Something sweet, a gift or two - but I've been so excited the whole day! Remembering this day last year, watching my new 1 year old in amazement, thinking about all her future might hold... So much fun! Makes me want to start making Mom gifts on my birthday!

Love,
Bora

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Dear Bora,
I learned today that you have to pay ($7) to watch your own kid play JV high school soccer in near-freezing temperatures. Apparently sitting on cold metal bleachers watching a sport you don't really care about isn't enough proof of your parental love.
Your cold and poor sister,
Kate
Dear Kate,

My daughter is skinny.  I'm not used to this.  My son was such a chunk that I keep encountering problems that I never faced with him.  For example: R keeps accidentally walking out of her pants. She just walks until they slowly fall off - even with a fluff butt cloth diaper on!

Like most women, I have at times wished to be thinner.  I have not, however, ever wished to be thin enough that my pants come off completely simply by walking.

Skinny baby problems,
Bora

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Dear Kate,

It's Zombie Tip Tuesday!

...I don't have any zombie tips today.  Turns out there are only a few good tips for surviving a zombie apocalypse with a 2 year old.  And honestly, those tips aren't really going to save you.  I mean, some days I wonder if we are all going to make it through the day alive without a zombie apocalypse going on.  Let's face it, zombies + toddlers... you're not gonna make it.

Zombie Tip Tuesday is over!
Bora


Monday, February 8, 2016

Dear Bora,
Students and coworkers always ask who I'm cheering for in what ever "big game" is coming up. My answer is usually, "pizza"  but lately I've been team buffalo chicken dip. Gooooo junk food!
Your hungry sister,
Kate
Dear Kate,

I watched the Super Bowl by myself last night. We didn't make plans, and I have two small children who (are supposed to) go to bed early. I don't know why I was watching.  I have no interest in football. I miraculously care even less about the half-time performers. And I hate commercials - especially ones that try WAY too hard to be funny.

Guess I should have picked up on the fact that the only part of Super Bowl parties that I actually enjoy is food people.

Your grumpy sister,
Bora

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Dear Kate,

That last post was a complete lie.

Confession Sunday,
Bora
Dear Kate,

Aw, don't worry, Kate, people do pity your party planning ineptitude. I don't know where in the world you got the idea that I don't plan Pin-Perfect Parties - we must have lived too far apart for too long. I didn't want to parade my success in front of you, but I'm actually known as the Pinterest Party Planner (Follow me on twitter @Pinpartyplanner!) I have over thirty Pinterest boards dedicated to the next two decades of birthday parties for my children. I even have an entire board for smash cake variations.  Honestly, I love smash cakes so much that we're going to continue with the tradition every year!

Also, I don't plan to do decorative table cloths at R's birthday because they would cover up the ten beautifully stained farmhouse tables that we made from salvaged barn wood just for her party.

Sorry you won't be able to attend.  I guess your origami swan invitation made from recycled paper got lost in the mail - which is too bad, because it had seeds embedded in the paper so you could plant it in your garden and think of R when the flowers bloomed.

Love,
The Pin Party Planner!
Bora

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Dear Bora, 
With R's first birthday coming up, I'm reminded of how utterly silly first birthday parties always seem. The kid has no idea what's going on. They don't understand opening presents and don't get me started on "smash cakes."  No offense to my many friends who love to do big themed birthday parties every year, I just personally don't get it. A party for me is when people come over and we eat. The end. No decorations, no theme. Probably not even a bowl for the chips. And everyone still seems to have a good time. So either the color-coordinanated napkins and plates don't matter or everyone secretly pities my severe party planning ineptitude. I just realized I'm asking the wrong person. I know where you stand on this issue. We are cut from the same cloth, you and I, and it's definitely not a decorative table cloth. 
Wishing I could be there for R's first birthday party,
Kate 

Friday, February 5, 2016

Dear Kate,

Oh, I'm sorry - were you under the impression that this nontraditional baby book was any more likely to be filled out than a traditional baby book?

I just figured if no one's actually going to fill it out anyway, why not have some recognition for those important "lasts" for the parents. Or at least the mom-to-be will get a good laugh at her shower before she realizes that there really will come a day when a young child will loudly call her out on her silent fart in front of guests.

Laugh now, pre-kids ladies.  Laugh good and long and without fear of peeing yourself if you get carried away.

Laugh it up,
Bora


Dear Bora,
The problem with those "lasts" is that you somehow never realize they were they last until later.  Like the last time Korra called popcorn "coo-cot."  I just realized one day that she had stopped saying it and I didn't remember when.  I'm happily looking forward to not realizing it was the last time K peed in her pants.  Potty training is the worst.  Next kid I'm getting pre-house trained.  Adoption perks, am I right?
Your sister,
Kate
Dear Kate,

I had another great idea for our nontraditional baby book line. Sure, we've included important, though previously untracked and overlooked, milestones, but I think we should also be sure to include a more nostalgic lost-ability-milestone section for parents. You know, Lasts instead of Firsts. Things like:
  • Last time I could leave you on the bed unattended without you rolling off. 
  • Last time you napped wherever the heck I wanted you to so I could have a semi-normal adult social life. 
  • Last time I could just nurse you for a meal instead of having to actually come up with something for you to eat.
  • Last time I could live in an un-babyproofed house. 
  • Last holiday for which I could buy your gifts in front of you. 
  • Last time I could secretly fart in your presence without you declaring for all to hear, "Something smells!"

I think we're onto something with this baby book,
Bora

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Dear Kate,

I have nothing funny to post since there is absolutely nothing funny about a migraine. I had a terrible skullcrusher headache this morning. I was so nauseated that I put up the gate on C's room and let the children loose in there while I laid on the bed with my eyes closed.

C asked me what was wrong and kissed me on the head when I told him. It was sweet and, I may be crazy, but I think it felt just the tiniest better after that.

Love,
Bora

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Dear Kate,

I went to a play date with some ladies and their kiddos in our neighborhood.  Well, I say "play date" but it was really a "mom date."  The kids had fun but we all know it was really for us moms.  We all need to talk to other adults sometimes, you know?  I mean, rather than talking about trucks and "gentle hands" with the baby, we got to talk about how much we talk about trucks and "gentle hands" with the baby.

But really, it was super nice.  The ladies were great and their kids were sweet.  So glad to be meeting some other moms here in the neighborhood,
Bora.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Dear Bora,
Thankfully, teething never seemed to bother K very much.  I wish I could say that is one of many examples of what a perfect baby she was but we both know that's not true. She just did all of her screaming before teeth (so basically for no discernible reason). It is nice to have something like teething to explain why your kid is crying. It makes it easier to be patient and compassionate when I can say, "she's got a nasty cold" or "she didn't get her nap today."  It's certainly preferable to "she's whiney because I'm a terrible parent and she is and always will be the most obnoxious child in the world!"  Nope, not going to let myself go down that road. Let's continue to make excuses (real or imagined) so we can keep at this parenting thing tomorrow. 
Your Hopeful Sister,
Kate

Dear Kate,

Teething sucks. That said, I have never been happier than the times that I find another tooth has popped through after weeks of terrible sleep. That pointy white tooth says, "its okay, Mommy! You don't have to feel bad for the number of times you've given your child Tylenol at night. Your baby hasn't decided she hates you, after all! Good job! You made it through another tooth! All the crying, all the thrashing about, all the not-sleeping-for-longer-than-15-minutes-at-a-time - it was teething! It wasn't that you are a terrible mother who is accidentally training her child to only scream and never sleep. It was just temporary! ....probably."

Talking teeth. I probably need some more sleep.
Bora

Dear Kate,

C has been very interested in people's names lately. He asks me, "what's his name?" all the time. After our trip to MoMo and Grand-Dad's, he asked me what their names were. I told him that they are Barb and Bob. When I said "Bob," his face lit up and he said, "like the pig! And the dog! And the cat! And the fish!" He had finally understood the joke in "Fifteen Animals" by Sandra Boynton.

Love,
Bora

Monday, February 1, 2016

Dear Kate,

Visiting Mom and Dad's was like going on a relaxing spa getaway. I got my hair professionally cut for the first time in 3 years. Mom watched the kids when they got up at 5:45 so I could sleep until 8. Dad took me out for breakfast and fancy coffee (you know, the mostly hot chocolate kind). I showered at a reasonable hour, ate food I didn't cook, and enjoyed compliments about my awesome children.

It is truly wonderful being the favorite child.

Your (slightly favored) sister,
Bora