Donald Trump elected president

News anchor: What does the candidate need to win here tonight?
Random expert: Well, blah, blah, blah. Blah blah. Essentially, the candidate needs to win more votes than the other candidate.

Wow. So glad we have you to clarify that for us.

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My fingernails are so torn up from this evening that I don't think I'll be able to palpate any lymph nodes or thyroid glands at work tomorrow.

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Embarrassing, North Carolina! Just embarrassing!