Dear Kate,

When I'm old, infirm, and incapable of caring for myself anymore, there are really only 3 things that I would like to make sure are done, so please:

1. Keep my chin free from whiskers.  I should immediately be recognizable as a woman to any new caregiver.
2. Keep my toenails manicured.  There is nothing more frightening than toenail fungus that makes your toenails grow into thick, brown, vertical towers.
3. Keep me clean from poo or pee.  Everyone knows you check a baby's diaper regularly, so you should check mine regularly too.

Thank you,
Bora.